At the hospital I started in the room with her. I comforted her as much as possible, I let her yell at me, and I watched her scream and push. Hearing her scream made me sick, it hurt me to hear her in pain. She pushed some more, and continued to breathe heavily and let out painful screams. I rubbed her arms, thinking about the countless movies and shows that depicted this. I had never thought I'd be so worried and excited at the same time.

Something went wrong during those screams... They stopped. She stopped pushing, and people shoved me out of the way and gathered around my girl.

A woman in scrubs told me to stand back, and that something was wrong. My heart stopped, and I couldn't move. More doctors flooded into the room, and I was told to wait in the waiting room. I couldn't feel my legs, and a thin black woman escorted me out of the room.

My stomach turned and I felt myself break down in the waiting room. I kept my head in my hands, never being more terrified in any other moment. I couldn't even bare to look at the magazines fanned out on the tables, I couldn't bring myself to stand, or walk, or watch the television programs.I just sat there for the longest wait of my life. Every so often I'd have to move, my blood was rushing fast through my whole body out of panic.

A doctor came up to me, covered in red. And told me my baby was fine if I wanted to see her. I jumped up at that moment and rushed forward. They brought the baby out of the room. She was slightly purple, with a head of dark brown hair, and so small that I thought I'd break her. I felt tears run down my face as I held that tiny little girl against my chest. My heart beat in my throat. I held her there, still worried about her mother, but the sleeping infant turned a normal color after a while. She breathed in my arms, her eyes were closed and she was bundled in a soft blanket nestled in my arms.

Doctors came out of the room one by one. Each one not showing signs of good or bad.  Until that same thin black woman looked at me, she was about a foot shorter than me, but at that moment I had never felt smaller.

"She'll be okay" The woman said. "She suffered some shock, and we almost lost her. But she pulled through" The woman reached up and touched my shoulder. I could have hugged her if it wasn't for the little girl in my arms.

The woman offered to take the child for a moment for more cleaning and a few tests. and I handed over my new daughter, not wanting to let the warm bundle go.

"May I see Jordon?" I asked her. To which she nodded and smiled.

I rushed into the now empty room, with the exception of my girlfriend, Jordon laid there, breathing, the beeping of a heart monitor filling the room. I was thankful that it was. I looked at her, she was still an angel, her hair was a mess, and she looked dirty and tired, but I couldn't stop looking at her.

It was a moment when I didn't mind if she woke up and caught me staring at her, I smiled at the woman laying in the bed before me. She opened her eyes, and they looked heavy. As if she was pushing up her eye lids with all her strength. She smiled at me weakly, but I could see her eyes sparkle.

"Aidan?" She whispered. And I sniffled and bent down so I could be closer, I put my head on her chest. She was breathing slowly. But I loved every breath she took.

She put her hand on my head and ran her fingers through my hair.

"Theres something I need to ask you" She said. Her voice was still quiet but getting stronger. I looked up at her. Straightening my back and looking into her eyes. I held her hand gently...

"What is it?" I asked. My heart was beating, but I lowered my eyebrows, almost in concentration, wondering what it was that seemed so important to say.

"Why do you always come here.. to see me?" With that comment she smiled. She looked so tired but her smile melted my heart. I cried lightly, kissing at her hands.

"Because you're my friend." I responded through a shakey voice.

"Daina says you like me." Her voice stronger now.I pushed my forehead to hers and closed my eyes. I brought my lips and kissed her forehead.

"Daina's lying to you Jordon" I laughed lightly, a pressure in my chest had been relieved. "I never liked you. I love you"

I brought her lips to mine in a kiss. The first kiss I gave her before I asked her to marry me.

Jordon got heavier over the months. It started with a few pounds here and there but with every doctor visit I could see why she was growing. She'd get sick at night, and she started to get angry at me for no reason. I'd find her crying in the bathroom sometimes when I got home from work and it broke my heart. I'd have to tell her stories, and tell her to remember how I've always felt. I constantly reassured her that I'd be here for her.

She'd stop crying before she would go to work, but it would still bother me wether I went to class or even after I graduated. When I was in school I wanted to leave. Even if she wasn't home I wanted to be there.

She got out a sememster before me and I graduated when her stomach had grown to the size of a melon. I spent her days off trying to comfort her. Some nights she'd be happy, and her hormones would go crazy to a point where she would want to have sex two or three times a day. Other times she'd cry about herself. She worried like I did, about wether we'd have enough money, or if we'd get another place. It was nice to know she was scared like I was, and it relieved me to know I could give her strength.

When the time came to get a new place, tension became greater. I had to take over looking entirely, I would check the prints of the newspaper for apartments and houses before they went out and searched them early. I checked the internet and I wanted to find a house. Searching took up half my day, making appointments and looking at each place. When I found a place I liked, I'd take Jordon, I would set up another appointment until we found a perfect house.

We found one in a residential area. It was a bit away from our works, but it was similar to the home I grew up in, even though it wasn't a military base. It was brick, you entered the house at the livingroom, and you could see a dining room and a sliding glass door at the end. To the right there was a kitchen, and in the kitchen there was a door leading to a basement and laundry room. There was an upstairs with 3 rooms, one master, and two bedrooms, perfect for children. She fell in love with it, we had lived in an apartment so long that this house seemed huge and almost strange to us. But it was beautiful.

She got excited and hugged me. I began to talk to the man right away about making an offer, Jordon went to check the basement. I felt excited about getting a life started.

"Your wife seems to really like the place" The man said. He was a short balding man in a button up shirt and khaki pants.

I stopped in relization of what he said "She's not my wife" I said, feeling awkward. I hadn't completely thought about it. I had always wanted to ask when the time was right and it had come up in conversation as if we were picking a movie to watch. asking each other if it was the best idea, and each think it was. With the pregnency Jordon had decided she didn't want a wedding dress that was made to fit around an enormous belly.

"I haven't asked her yet"

"Why not?" The man asked. We had strayed from the idea of housing to my love life.

"I just haven't found the right time, we've talked about it though." I stopped and thought for a moment. "So how much are you looking for in an offer?" I changed the subject.

I hear Jordon scream in the basement, and my thoughts were stopped cold. I got scared at that moment that something had happened. I ran down the stairs screaming, asking what happened.

"My stomach hurts" She said, holding the large bump under her dress. I panicked and couldn't think. I paused before pulling out my phone to call 911. Not thinking to drive anywhere myself. I spoke to the woman on the other end, sounding more anxious then I would have liked. Scared for my wife or what what happening.

When the ambulance came I climbed in too. Holding her hand while she squeezed my fingers until they were blue and lifeless. She screamed in pain. It would stop and start again. Her water broke in the ambulance, thats when we knew what was happening.

Jordon became pregnant after a year and a half of dating. I had been working that day and I got a call at work from home with the news. It had been earlier than usual for her to be up, which surprised me, but she gave me the news and I had mixed feeling for the rest of the day. I was terrified at the thought of having a child. I had never thought about it seriously until that day, there was a hint of excitementbut mostly fear.

I saw her for 15 minutes that day, and I looked at those brown eyes. She asked me what I thought about the situation and I couldn't think about it yet.

"I don't know.." I responded honestly. I think my face showed a combination of happiness and anxiety. I smiled but I knew I held fear behind my eyes that would contradict my grin.

"Can we do this?" She asked. Her face changed in that moment. As if my fear had changed her plans. "Would you be there for me"

I was shocked when she asked. I grabbed on to her hands and looked into her eyes. "Of course" I knew I wouldn't leave someone if they had my child. I just didn't know how I was going to react to the child itself. My fear wasn't about how my life would change, but how I would affect the child. I wondered if I'd be a good dad, if I had a good enough job, if I made enough money. I worried about how our apartment only had one room and that we'd need a bigger one.

It scared me how quickly my thoughts jumped into my head. they bounced around my brain so fast I thought they'd escape before I completed them.

I held onto Jordon. Reassuring her that I'd always be there for her. I pet her brown hair lightly, letting her just hold me. Letting her breathe into my shoulder.

Then she had to get ready for work. I let her get ready without interruption, but when she went to leave I wrapped my arms around he and kissed her as passionately as I did that first night. She annoyed me sometimes. I didn't like her memory issues, she always believed in everything too scientifically, and she couldn't sing but still did, loudly. But in the end, I would stay by her side no matter what.

She left shortly after that realization. I sat on my couch, that day I didn't have school, and soon I'd have my bachlors and I'd be done for good. But for that day I picked up her photo album from a dusty box of her stuff and looked at her baby pictures, ones of her as a toddler. Her brown hair in small pig tails, her bangs cut like they used to always be, her honey brown eyes staring up to the camera in bewilderment, and she was smiling. That smile that never changed no matter how old she got.

And I figured it all out right there in that dusty album. I hoped that my child would have a smile a beautiful as hers. As long a I could have that, I knew everything would be okay

New memories were formed over time. We lived in that apartment and went to school on a regular basis. I found a job at a newspaper. I was an assistant, but I hoped to move up when I got out of school.

The job kept me busy, I fetched coffe, organized stories and put them on file. I set up appointments for interveiws, sorted fanmail, hate mail, letters to the editor, bills, junk and the occasional request to send the answers to a crossword puzzle from weeks before.

The job wasn't as glamorous as it sounds.

Jordon got money from her mother. Her mother had divorced her father a year after they moved away and the minute Jordon went to New Mexico she remarried a man with his own business, he owned two Sonics in Texas, and apparently, Texans love Sonic, so she was set.

Every month or so, money would come in the mail in the form of a check, which we used to pay rent and any money I made went towards everything else. We started to get into a routine. It became a pretty nice life, I came home to Jordon who would kiss me and we'd get to eat together, Which we did on the couch since I didnt have a table. We still talked about things, and our love life stayed strong. Then again, at the time we were only a few months in. After she got a job, things slowed down alot between us. She started working at a 7-11 down the street from the apartment. She worked from 3 to 9 every night and since I worked from 8 to 2, we only saw each other fo 15 minutes a day before night fall.

But thats the way things end up happening. We squeezed every moment from our day with each other and on her days off, I'd get home and we'd take a nap together, finally getting to lay there and not rush off. Between school and work, we tried to do everything to same time and collect money to put away, which became harder.

She would turn to me at night and snuggle to my chest and ask me to tell her a story from our past. I'd tell her about when we met, or when I fell in love with her, or when I beat up Adam. But I made sure to tell her how I felt. In a year of dating, she could recite these stories as if she could remember them. All but the story of when we started dating. I hadn't told her that story since the first time. I avoided the story because it made me sad that she'd never completely know the feeling it gave me.

She'd ask sometimes and I'd tell her about some other story, avoiding it.

She'd ask why I wouldn't tell her. And I would tell her the truth, I didn't want to because she didn't remember. It was the one story we had retold each other when we were teenagers, playing it as though it were a scene of a movie. Playing like we didn't know the end that always ended with a kiss. It held so many inside jokes, and we would reminice about it until we did the kiss that would lead us to her room again and into her bed, hiding in the covers together, acting out parts that weren't in that scene.

She'd get angry at me for not telling her and she would sigh and accept it every time. Deciding that knowing the story would be enough without knowing it by heart. I'd kiss her and tell her that all the moments with her since then have been ten times happier, and sometimes that made her smile. And things would be okay for a bit.

Things never stay perfect, no matter what relationship you're in. As long as I had known her, and the connection we shared. There was always going to be a feeling of self doubt. She doubted small bits of her past I couldn't prove, like how we met, or how I felt, or even how we started dating.

Her mother said we didn't start dating until the end of freshman year, and I explained that we hid it for a long time. One of the many things that got confused or lost over years of no recollection.

I got frustrated about things as time went by. She couldn't remember details that I had never forgot, I had already learned things about her, but she still had difficultly remembering small details about me. Its hard to know someone and not have them know you, it makes you feel like a stalker. Knowing her favorite color is turquoise, but she doesn't know mine. Things like that began to annoy me.

I held her, knowing she couldn't help it. But I silently felt a wall that seperated us, and that wall was our memory. She read through her books faster then I could write papers, days went by so quickly, and she moved in. All her books covering the apartment. She brought a photo album, mostly filled with baby pictures. Some of them pictures of her graduation, her going off to college, her prom. I looked for ones from when she was younger and found a few, one was from her birthday. She was holding on and smiling to Adam. All the rest from that day were from before I arrived from the dentist. There were two others, her birthday cake, and her holding a water balloon and her shirt was covered in white foam. I held up the picture of her and Adam.

"This is the man you dated." I said.

"No way!"She said, taking the photo from me. "My mom said he was a friend of mine from when I was little"

"He was" I replied. He was around alot.

"I think your mom knew you guys were dating. You guys didn't really do much. But I suppose she might not have known anything." I shrugged  "He was so terrible. I hated him, even as a child"

Jordon laughed. "Is there anything else in there?"

I looked through it and Ididn't find any of me and her, it seemed as though we never had pictures taken. Perhaps I had some at my mothers, but she moved to Florida when I went off to college.

In those months, it was hard to keep telling stories. I always wanted to start with "remember when.." but it stung when I had to catch my words before they left. She couldn't remember when. She couldn't even start to remember when.

So over time, we had to create new memories since the old ones were becoming too fragile to tie us together.